


Waves

by MLMDarkFiction



Category: Ash vs Evil Dead (TV), Evil Dead (Movies), Evil Dead - All Media Types
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Reader-Insert, Reader-Interactive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-13 13:01:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20174677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MLMDarkFiction/pseuds/MLMDarkFiction
Summary: This is a vent fic that I made for myself because I’ve been having a very rough couple of days, despite that...I’m actually kind of proud of this fic, and I hope that you all enjoy.Content Warnings: Ash and Reader both are mentioned having PTSD (Causes not mentioned in details), Reader has a very clearly written out depressive episode, Reader does at one point mention suicide offhandedly.Please read at your own risk after reviewing the Content Warning.





	Waves

It’s the alarm that wakes Ash, his flesh hand slamming into it with annoyance to turn it off and he sighs. He doesn’t want to go to work. He rolls over, onto your side of the bed, and sighs again with the realization. 

He’s worried about you. 

It’s not uncommon for the two of you not to sleep in the same bed. You both have PTSD. His from watching most of the people he’s ever cared about died at the hands of an evil he accidentally summoned, and yours because of well…

Ash understood. He understood the waking up with nightmares, being afraid of touch. In a way it was a match made in heaven. 

And so the night before, when you’d had a bad day, flinching at him when he tried to place a hand on your knee, he knew what type of night it was going to be. Like always, he offered you the bed instead of the couch, and like always you turned him down. 

There was no way in hell you were going to take Ash’s bed just because  _ you  _ couldn’t cope with touch. And besides, Ash is old. If he lays down on that ratty old couch, with his back, he may not come back up again. 

  
  


Ash gets ready for work. Shirt? Check. Name tag? Check. Hand? Shit..

He doesn't find it, even after a search around the trailer, doing his best not to wake your sleeping curled form. Although...clearly he failed as, 

“Ash?”

You haven’t turned to look at him, simply laying in what can only be the most uncomfortable position, on a couch way too small for your body.

Really, Ash swears that one of these days you’re going to wind up falling off and sleeping on the floor.    
  
“Hey babe.” He even  **sounds ** guilty. Because he really hadn’t meant to wake you up. 

“Hand’s in the bathroom…” You murmur, shifting into a comfortable (Ash swears it looks more uncomfortable) position then the one you’d previously been in.    
  
“You know,” he continues speaking as he follows your advice, finding his prosthetic on the sink counter, just as you’d said, “I’m going to work now, you can take the bed.”

“Don’t want the bed,” Ash can only just make out your saddened sleepy mumbles, being muffled by the couch cushions. “Wanna die.”

Well…

  
That’s concerning. Especially considering the fact he’s leaving for work, and you’re going to be in the trailer all alone. 

“I’m going to work,” He informs, walking past you on the couch, “call me if you need anything okay?”   
  
“Okay.”

He sighs. Yeah...You’re having a real bad couple of days, and he doesn’t feel confident about leaving you. 

But it’s not like he can just call off either. Sadly, money is still a thing that’s needed, and the two of you just can’t afford him calling off. And more so...Ash is pretty sure you’d kick his ass, or your own ass due to the guilt, if even so much as suggested doing so. 

He’s heading out the door when he hears it.    
  
“Ash?” Your voice is soft, and pathetic. It tugs his heart. 

  
“Yeah baby?”

“I love you.”

  
He swallows hard. As long as the two of you have been together he’s been afraid of saying those words, afraid that it would ultimately mean your demise. But it’s one of those things about your relationship, that you both understand. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

-

After Ash leaves for work you try to go back to bed, try being the keyword. Even after you move from the couch to the comfort of your bed you’re not able to fall back asleep.Cuddling with Ash’s pillow isn’t even helping the situation. 

Your phone vibrates. It’s Ash. You know it is. You have no other friends or family to contact you. When you check your phone you find out...it’s a meme.He’s sent you a meme, while at work. That sounds about right. 

You don’t respond. Leaving the text on read. 

Because Ash doesn’t expect you to respond. It’s another one of those things about your relationship. Sometimes when you’re doing badly it’s far too much effort for you to interact with people, even Ash, who you love. He knows this, and not only understands, but supports this. Sending dumb messages, and memes, things you don’t have to respond to, but he can still see the ‘read’ notification is a way to relax his own nerves when you get into this type of funk. 

As long as his messages are read, he knows that you’re okay. 

Alone in the trailer though, you don’t know what to do to quell your overall anxiety, and your overwhelming sense of doom. Normally you’d pace around to burn off the extra energy, but the trailer is far to small, and so instead you lay, tossing and turning with Ash’s pillow in your arms.

You’d go outside to pace but…

People already think you’re crazy, on the fact alone that your dating “Ashy Slashy” and although you have no fears for your own (nonexistent) reputation, Ash’s was already fractured as it is. The last thing you want is people talking about how Ash’s boyfriend is now crazy now too. Knowing how these people are, they’d try to claim he did something to you.

Eventually you end up taking the last beer in the fridge, you’ll make it up to Ash later, and drink it. You’re a lightweight. It’s just enough to make you tipsy to the point of being able to fall into a somewhat restless sleep. 

-

You wake up again this time, to the sound of Ash rifling out of his clothing. Sleepily you smile up at him from the bed.    
  
“Damn it.” He curses when he sees you’re up and awake. It doesn’t seem to matter how hard he tries, he can never successfully move past your sleeping form without waking you.    
  
To his surprise you don’t seem mad, in fact you make grabby hands at him. He smiles, and drops what he’s doing. Shirt off, pants half off, he joins you in the bed wrapping his arms around you tightly. 

  
After all, you’re the one in the relationship with touch issues. Not him. And he respects you, and your boundaries, but god...He would never miss the chance to hold you when you wanted it, and when you so blatantly asked for him. 

You bury your face into his chest. Ash watches amused, bewildered, and a little worried.    
  
“Hey kiddo…” His voice is soft, the nickname rolling easily off his tongue. “You feeling any better?”    
  
The response he gets is muffled by his own chest, and although he can’t make out the words he gets the jist of it from the shrug of your shoulders. 

“Wanna talk about it?”

This time you don’t try to verbally respond, only shrugging once more, face remaining hidden against him. 

Ash sighs.    
  
“Well, I’m glad to know you missed me at least,” He jokes, readjusting his hold on you so that you’re no longer hiding your face from him.    
  
“I always miss you,” You respond, frowning a little, partially upset due to Ash forcibly removing you from his pecs,but cuddling him back full force. 

For once you want, no  **need ** to be held. 

  
“I’m proud of you, you know?”

Although Ash is a man who struggles with a basic ‘I love you’ he does wonderfully at  _ showing  _ just how much he cares. His words of affirmation are joined with little pecks to your face and cheeks. 

It’s not until Ash is gently shushing you, that you realize you’d started crying at some point. 

You’d said you didn’t want to talk about what was wrong, and yet, here you are, unable to stop yourself from bawling at the slightest amount of affirmation from your boyfriend.

The words tumble past your lips before you can stop them, Ash doing his best to wipe away your tears with his thumbs.    
  
“I just-I feel like a failure, you know?”

Ash nods, although really...he didn’t understand how you could ever consider yourself to be a failure. He knew the kind of things you lived through just to get to where you are now. You’re incredibly brave, and strong, and he really is so proud of you. Proud to be your boyfriend. 

“I’m just… I’m not where I thought I’d be and I don’t know what to do. I’m wasting my life, I’m wasting  _ your  _ life.”

There's a pain in your voice. A pain Ash knows he can’t completely cure at the end of the day.

“You’re not wasting- You’re- Baby..” He struggles to find the words to say. 

He doesn’t want to screw this up, to screw  _ you  _ up.

So...Ash just holds you. It’s the best thing he can do. He lets you ride out the sadness. Talking, screaming, crying into his chest about your feelings. It’s a lot. And it’s not good. But he holds you through the storm, listening as you ask him why you shouldn’t just kill yourself. He doesn’t answer, he holds you close. 

You ride out the sadness. 

The deep wave is gone, and at least for now, you’ve stopped drowning. 

Your crying dies down, but your body remains shaking in Ash’s arms. He holds you until it stops, only relieved when the steady breathing and soft snores alert him to the fact you’re asleep.

Ash blinks away a few tears of his own. He’s glad he was here. He’s glad you’re safe. He doesn’t know what he would do if he lost you too, especially if he lost you to yourself. 


End file.
